so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
