so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
