Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
