I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
