Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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