Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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