am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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