Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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