i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she pinky promised me she was 18
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
