I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what day is it and did you see me today?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
