I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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