I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
