i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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