Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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