it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
