Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
