so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
