It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
