i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
