you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
