i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
