maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
