I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
