Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
