Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
