i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
