apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
