so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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