How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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