alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
