6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
