Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
