I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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