Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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