using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize