yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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