Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
