i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
