If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
