And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize