He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
