everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
