he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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