Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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