I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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