so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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