i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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