Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
