Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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