Need sex. Gaining weight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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