The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize