I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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