I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
