Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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