we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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