handjob tips. give me some.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
