It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
