Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
