i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will be naked everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
