Christians are straight up FREAKS
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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