He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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