I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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