He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
