why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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