I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
