everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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