He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
