i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
