I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize