adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
