You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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