omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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