He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
