how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
