don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
