Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
